I don’t have the blame to pass throughout that fire. I honestly feel ashamed in the way that I make my mother remember the past of that burned house when I was younger.
I am very conscious that my mother has not been happy in seeing me with my mounster hands. I’m always silently waiting for someone to ask her if she is fine or not.
Anyways, I feel happy that she still shares her love with my sister, that she gives her everything that she desires. It was seen that your prior wish in the family was to show the camouflage of wealthiness that we as family did not posses. Mom often tried to satisfy you on that, and you and I could see it ourselves. I am not selfish as my sister is. I just can’t agree with seeing any member of my family as sad as I feel right now.
I do not accept the fact that I am underestimated in a slight way in my family. I see how my mother always acts when my sister is with us.
Always talking so good about her that I wish to not feel envy when it comes to love a daughter like Mom Loved my sister. And, I understand that things can happen though, it is destiny. I slightly understood that I am the villain of this movie. I do not have the blame of it. It is not easy to see your own mother creating an unequal environment with your sister, within your own family. My mother, who brought me into the world does not love me as I would desire her to do.
I always hoped that one day my mother would give me with those quilts from Grandma. Even yelling at Dee when I was there was something that I would never expected to see.
Yet I was realizing that she was waking up, intuitively putting herself in my shoes and doing what I wanted her to do with me from a while ago; to learn how to also to show approval and love me.
In fact my dear Dee, I could never believed that you were having the same measure from years of suffering that I had in just a moment.
Once Mom gave me the quilts from our Grandmother, which she denied to you, I wonder how you felt inside? I wonder if you experienced just a little bit of the bitterness that I have gone through when Mom preferred to adore you but instead not me nor adore us as the sisters we are. I hope you don’t become everyday use for Mom having to hear or see that she recognizes I should also deserve a fair treat among us. That I also deserve to have things just like you do. That I deserve to also have pendent from her just like she did with you all this time.
Dear Dee, I just want to let you know that the things that seem to be the insignificant for you tend to matter a lot such as when you did not care when Mom gave me the quantils. I hope this precedent would not provoke you any negative feeling for the future, yet I will be a hundred percent sure that you have not felt as you felt before it even happen. Welcome to my world.