i am white

i look like a bike

i lied, but i am white

when you see me, you’ll be amazed

i swam all the way here

more like i floated

but who cares

i’m amazing

my one dream is to fly

but that won’t happen

at least i can dream about it

but i am one hell of a swimmer

i have shield on my back

but no stars or stripes

ive been in the mouth of a bird

thats like my uber

my name is ice because im white like dice

no legs ,no feet

but ive been more places than you

Photo by PublicDomainPictures (Pixabay)

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Anthony
December 2, 2016 7:26 pm

Dear Tasean your poem is “interesting”.As a animal lover i like the fact that you made poem about jellyfish.

Matthew
December 2, 2016 7:26 pm

its ok. it talks about the real identity and the fake identity. its ok

Leslye
December 2, 2016 7:20 pm

i like how you made it tricky to understand who you are and it was a bit funny too

Elliot
December 2, 2016 7:14 pm

I really enjoyed reading reading your poem. My favorite line was when you said ” i am white”. Are you actually white? If not do you aspire to be white?

Bella
December 2, 2016 7:12 pm

Although you have a unique writing style, I think that you had a fascinating message behind the poem. Some people may not really understand what you’re trying to say. Even though I don’t really understand it, you should be proud of your work because I think you used an interesting choice of words. A different idea every few stanzas leaving mystery ‘at least i can dream about it, but i am one hell of a swimmer’ was very interesting because it was the same topic but seemed random. Maybe next time you can make your voice more clear. COOL COOL

Gonzalo
November 29, 2016 5:57 pm

I liked this poem a lot!! It says lots of real things that if you think will happen, it don’t… #1 I LIKED SO MUCH 🙂 :'(

Juan Manuel
November 29, 2016 5:50 pm

I really liked your poem! The style is pretty good.

Gonzalo
Reply to  Juan Manuel
November 29, 2016 5:55 pm

YES!!! Sure 🙂

marren Silcox
November 29, 2016 2:29 am

This poem is so cool! It made me smile a good five times while reading it! I love the style of writing you incorporated in your prom. I also really liked having to solve this mystery to find out who you are in your writing.

Zachary
November 23, 2016 7:22 pm

You have a good idea and interesting way of putting it but work on your diction.

Ciara
November 22, 2016 7:27 pm

This is an interesting poem. The writing style is.. unique.

Miguel
November 22, 2016 6:47 am

I think this is a pretty cool idea to write about and I think you are close to what you really want to say. I would recommend using words that have more meaning to them, words that are more descriptive.

Katelyn
November 22, 2016 2:00 am

This is an interesting style as it lacks the common form of punctuation and syntax that is omnipresent in prose. At first I thought that you were speaking of yourself but looking at your picture I’m assuming that this poem is in reference to jelly fish. The only thing that I would suggest is that you add more images through vivid word usage.

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