I offer this poem to you,
When tides start rolling in,
A comfort as ice shocks your toes,
A reminder as sand grates your skin,
Something to pull from your back pocket,
To rub against your chest to soothe the burn.
Remember to breathe.
When your nose finally falls below the surface,
Search for an angler’s light,
Dive deeper.
As eels wrap themselves around your limbs,
Swallow the choking feeling,
Grab hold of their tails.
In a wave of desperation,
Follow bubbles back to the surface,
Open your eyes.
Look at the horizon as you break through,
At the creatures resting on your knuckles,
Notice the weightless feeling as you drift again.
Remember to breathe.
Allow the wind to toss and dampen your hair.
Allow your toes to sink down into loose sand.
Allow your lungs to flutter and let yourself smile.
Throw your head back and laugh at the seagulls circling above,
Pull the load off your back and dump its contents beside your feet,
Jump into the tide with the empty container to keep you afloat,
Catch shells with open arms and a new net.
As you let the waves carry you,
Remember to breathe.
Lauren Hutnik
Inspired by Jimmy Santiago Baca’s “I am Offering this Poem.”
Dear lauren,
I am deeply touched by your poem, “Use Your Breath” it is so well written and almost peaceful.
One thing that really stood out to me is your repitition of, “Remember to breathe.” I like this because around this quote you talk about the ocean, but i interpret the ocean as life, as life gets hard remember to breath. I think that this whole poem was so beautifuly written.
Thank you for sharing your poem with us! I look forward to seeing what you write in the future.
-Nichole
Hey Lauren,
I think your poem was beautiful and incredibly well written. Your poem was very calming and you can really feel the words.
The phrase that stood out the most to me was “catch your shells with open arms and a new net. As you let the waves carry you. Remember to breathe.” I think that line stood out the most because it tells you that when you start new and catch opportunities, as you work through them remember to breathe.
I think we tend to forget to breathe and process things. We work so hard that we forget some things flow naturally and we just have to remember to relax.
Dear Lauren,
I was completely drawn into your poem, ¨Use Your Breath¨. The repetition of ¨remember to breathe¨ puts an emphasis on the overall purpose of your poem. Your poem was beautifully written.
One phrase that stands out to me is, ¨as the waves carry you, remember to breathe¨. because sometimes in life, we get too caught up in whatever we may be doing and it could become overwhelming. We don’t remember to sit back and allow ourselves to go through the emotions.
Thank you for writing!! I look forward to seeing what your write next because you´re writing is truly impactful. Good work.
Ashley
Dear, Lauren I loved your poem “use your breath ” gives me a way to be relaxed and calm. I really like the way your put emotions and language in your poem.
One sentence that stood out to me was, “Allow your lungs to flutter and let yourself smile”. The reason why this sentence stood out was that the was she express her emotions and words together to make something beautiful.
Thank you for writing this beautiful poem I would see or hear from you more.
Dear Lauren,
I find your poem “use your breath” relaxing and beautiful. I really appreciate how descriptive your writing is. Your excellent choice of words formulates a feeling of peace.
One verse you wrote that stands out to me is “remember to breathe.” I think this is a perfect way to end the poem given how simple it is and how much meaning it holds after everything you wrote.
Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because of your creative articulation. Not to mention how the tranquility of your text transmits itself to the reader!
Israel
Dear Lauren,
I am impressed by your post, “Use Your Breathe” because of how relaxing your poem felt to read. I think it’s impressive how you incorporated some of the 5 senses into your poem.
One sentence that you wrote that stood out to me is, “A reminder as sand grates your skin” because I felt like I could feel the touch of sand. I think it’s so cool that as I kept reading this poem I could feel or at least vividly imagine how a description would look or feel.
Thank you for writing this poem. I look forward to reading more poems from you.
I feel like I could read this and instantly lose all the worries in the world, I enjoyed the nice fluid rhythm your poem follows throughout.
Hey Lauren, I really liked your poem, “Use Your Breath.” It is such an easy piece to follow along and relate to. I love how calming, yet, powerful this piece is. Great job!
Thank you!
Nice poem, Lauren!
It felt like I was on a beach, spending time noticing the wind in my hair and the sand on my feet. I like your word choice — I was able to visualize vivid imagery when I read these lines:
“As eels wrap themselves around your limbs,
Swallow the choking feeling,
Grab hold of their tails.
In a wave of desperation,
Follow bubbles back to the surface,
Open your eyes.”
Nice work, and I liked the metaphors you used!
Thanks, Alaina! Glad you enjoyed 🙂
Lauren,
I liked your poem and the meaning behind it. I liked the way you extend the description of certain feelings or scenes. I also liked how you used the word “allow” three times, to me it really added emphasis! Thanks for reminding me to breathe!
Thank you, Anna! Have a great day!
Dear Lauren,
I am mesmerized by your poem, “Use Your Breath”, because of the choice of words you used.
Your word choice gives your poem a calming effect that makes me wish I was living the poem!
One sentence you wrote that stands out to me is: “Throw your head back and laugh at the seagulls circling above”, I think this is a very lively part of your poem because it shows a person having a great time. Nowadays, people have very low moods. Many factors come into play, but a great first step in achieving a more lively mood is by reconnecting with nature.
Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next because it seems that you have a passion for writing poems based on the quality of this poem. Keep at it, you will do great things, I believe in you.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.