by

November 26, 2022

 

Where I Come From


New Year… Different Attitude… Same Me

August 24, 2014

Life Academy

Freshman year

Starting over, starting fresh

It’s a new year, time for a different attitude

But I will stay as the same me

I was ready to face the world

The only thing on my mind was school

Making new relationships and memories

I never thought life would get any harder than this

 

I was wrong

Things change

People change

I changed too

 

How could I have not seen this coming

Heart broken

Mind awoken

My eyes and ears always running

From everything and everyone

 

Late July early August, 2017

Eye doctor appointment

New glasses means new sights to see

A clearer view of the world around me

 

Or so I thought

This was not your average eye doctor appointment

I was blind sighted

Struck in the gut by the words my mom spoke to me

 

“ It wasn’t your fault” she said, “We’re still friends”

“ Why are you crying?, What are your thought.”

She ended “ I’m sorry love..”

 

Tears

Short breath

Body numb

Mind running blank

I know this place already

Anxiety, Panic

Another Attack

I’ve got to get out of here

 

To be honest I give up

“What is on my mind?!”

How could they keep this from me

What does my father have to say?

My family is more broken than I thought

Can I even handle this truth?

 

I am more broken than ever before

But I know deep inside

I have to be stronger than this

 

I don’t need pity looks from people

I don’t want to hear “Are you okay’s”

I can’t handle anymore emotions

 

So I continue to keep things

All to myself

I’ve been hurt

I stay hurt

Stay quiet

But it’s okay

 

I feel like I’m gonna explode

But I keep on moving along

Floating aimlessly through the day

 

Today March 5, 2018

Life Academy

Senior year

I am a new person

New relationships and new memories to hold

I have a completely different attitude,

Multiple ones in fact

The years will continue to keep changing

But I shall stay as the same me I started with.


Why I’m Observant As Hell

Why I’m Observant As Hell

 

I have eyes

That let me see

The truth of the world around me

 

My mouth and ears are not enough

I need my senses to help create a clearer picture

I listen and see what is around me, before I speak

For once something happens

you can’t take it back

 

I have a mind

That lets me think

About who I want to be

 

It’s good to think about what may come next

It brings excitement and anticipation for the good in life

I want to find out who I am inside and out

Thinking brings scenarios together

But I choose who I get to be

 

I have a heart

That gives me emotions

To be there for people

 

To have emotions and feelings is important

We need to learn sadness and joy

I have had many experiences with sadness,

but I never let them stop me

From moving forward

I simply learn from them

 

I have a conscious

That gives me a choice

To guide me to a greater future

 

A conscious shows me two sides to a story

Maybe more

They show many outcomes to my own decisions

I can think for myself

And see what others have done in the past

It influences my reactions

 

I have feelings

That result from my choices

They help me be the person I am

 

I can connect with others who share my feelings

They give me a personality

They show what a caring person I am

 

I have a life

That matters

Just like everyone else

 

In this life I can dream and hope to myself or aloud

I can explore with others or reflect on my own

But even so I and the same and different from everyone else

I am my own person walking through life

 

I use all my gifts to support myself

And to help everyone around me

They show me the world

And they show my my world

 

I use all my gifts but never alone

I share them with others

With them I improve as a person

That’s why I think before I do anything


8 Letters

C-R-I-S-T-I-N-A

It does not define me,

The name is fine but it isn’t who I seek to be

Now here I am wondering and thinking…

Why do I not find the beauty in the name I bleed?

 

The same name my abuelita has,

Shouldn’t I be proud to have the exact name that she has?

She is strong like me

Brown like me

Crazy like me

But as I truly understand,

She isn’t me

 

This name is always with me

It was there when I was 7  and got lost at the mall

thankfully they used it to call my mom,

This name has given me identification

As the cops ran my name through the system to see if I faked it,

But at the same time

It has become my enemy…

 

The struggle of my name is that I don’t use it

Everyday, different person is another me,

I’m telling her my name is THIS,

I’m telling him that my name it THAT

But in reality I just sound like a brat,

The battle of having two names

One being the first

And the other acting as the first as well,

because some call me Gaby,

Some even call me Cris

I suppose this doesn’t make sense  

“Ignorance is bliss”

 

Well damn,

No one

Not even I,

Knows who I truly am

The conflict of my name

has affected my identity,

Why is it that I don’t understand

And can’t get over it with a remedy?

 

This name has brought me pain,

The type of pain that you can’t explain

Because this pain has only been felt by me

And not the other thousands with the name like me,

 

As my family constantly reminds me,

“Love your name, it is yours”

Well I’ve tried

But I can’t,

They say that this name is mine

It might but,

They aren’t necessarily right

I know my mother loves this name

And I hate to see her sad as I complain,

 

C-R-I-S-T-I-N-A

I didn’t choose my name

But that doesn’t mean that I

Cristina,

Can’t choose to be who I wish to be

My 8 letters only identify a piece of me,

Never the full me

It’s my decision

To speak upon my name and identity.


ニーナ Nina ប្រាំបួន

Nina… Nina… Nina

Three little letters

They make up my two syllable name

No one else has this name in the family

Nina is unique

Just Nina; no nickname

Nina… short and simple

The opposite of who I am

Nina… A new yellow flower; a baby Daisy

A version of my mother

A child of Love, and what i was born to do

Corbett…. the name to represent  my father´s  family

Nina Love Corbett; The first born child

A little bit of mom; a sprinkle of Dad

But who is Nina really?

I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student

I am Cambodian, I am African American, I am mixed

I care about the people around me

I am a responsible and hard working girl

But most importantly I am a person who can make her own life decisions

I want to help people, and give back to my community

To show that I can make it out, anywhere in life

To be there for my family and thank them for what they have done

The name Nina makes me unique

The background to why I am Nina, makes perfect sense

My name proves that love is real

That I have diversity running through my veins

I hold the better parts of my parents within me

Nina is real, it is special even

I love my name

No matter the tongue it’s spoken in

My name will remain Nina

I will forever keep this as a part of me

No nickname, or any other name would do justice

There would be no other name to fit my personality

I am Nina Love Corbett

And Nina is the real me

https://www.youthvoices.live/tag/c-o2018/