Fears, doubts, and strange loves
Swirl around me, too immense to manage
The only solace I can find
In my own chicken scratch writing
The sound of a tapping pencil
And of hands being slammed
The sting the force left behind
Ignored to get the line just right
A happy sounding sad song
In moments of bitter sadness
A roughly flowing poem
In moments overwhelming
One look at my writing could
Tell you my life story
Where I’ve come from
What inspires me
Who I love
I’ve been called predictable
Which I can agree with
Rereading writing from the past
Leaves me with this odd guilt
And hate where I once felt pride
There’s a weird pretentiousness
Redefining how I see the writing
I have a poem
Revisited year after year
It’s been through many iterations
None of them coherent upon return
Still when I look back at this poem
It brings a faint smile to my face
I can fondly remember it
The first time I felt inspired
Writing something
Which, I’m sure
Is why I revisit it
Year after year
Adding some and removing some
Changing a word here and there
Trying to lose the artificial feeling
Returning to it can sometimes feel wrong
Like I should leave it in the past
But I can’t
That feels worse
Like leaving behind an old friend
This piece is as much me as a writer
As it is my own writing
They grow on top of each other
Weaving between limbs and lines
Seeing this poem again
I know it still isn’t done
There’s always something to change
As time goes on
For while I grow and age
The world changes around me
Experiences form my shifting personality
Leading to a new way to see
The writing still flows
Rising from new understanding
Pulling from the fresh tears
Grasping at shy friendly smiles
Trying to find something
Anything to fuel that one piece
Reach that nirvana that you once felt
Though it’s infinitely far away
A moment like that only truly happens once
But life continues
With that constant straining
Trying to perfect something that can’t be
The chase of cat and mouse
Of the inspiration and those inspired
Only steps away
Chelsea,
Your poem is very inspiring and I can tell that you have put a lot of thought into it, I also can tell that there is in fact a meaning behind it and I find your poem is quite good. I enjoyed your word choice and how every single line was well thought out and I overall enjoyed your poem very much.
Sloane