Dear, Brian U.A
You did a job explaining love in your point of view. The part that I liked is when you said “I love a person That doesn’t believe in magic when we’re together We Believe in fun.” It sounds like your saying you don’t love people who are fake or act fake towards you love people who know how to have fun and be real with you. Some suggestions I have is to try and make the poem have a flow so it doesn’t sound like your saying a bunch of things and it doesn’t connect with each other. I also likes when you made a simile in your poem when you said “ So I’ll smack them like Ms. Dodds smacking my noodles. Overall your poem is great and I enjoyed reading it.
For more examples you can visit my poem: https://www.youthvoices.live/2018/11/28/theyre-coming-gentrification/?highlight=gentrification.
Brian, I really liked this poem because I can relate to some of things you’re talking about. For example when you say, “My love is school because I hate school. ” I can agree. I hate school but my whole entire life revolves around school and is for school you’d think that I love it. I really liked how you were able to put that into words in a more clever way. This poem really intrigued me and I hope to see more writing from you soon. Here’s another poem I think you would like called Love Hate Relationship
My name is Brian and I am a 9th grader at Life Academy. My favorite part of your Shadow Box project was the pictures you put in. I question I have for you is why you put color is not a crime.
Keep working hard
This is a youth-powered social network that was started in 2003 by a group of teachers from local sites of the National Writing Project.
We merged several earlier blogging projects. We have found that there are many advantages to bringing students together in one site that lives beyond any particular class. It's easier for individual students to read and write about their own passions, to connect with other students, comment on each other's work, and create multimedia posts for each other. Further, it's been exciting for us to pool our knowledge about curriculum, connected learning, and digital literacies.
If being part of such a community makes sense to you, we invite you to join us. We welcome all youth and any teacher interested in having students publish online and participate in the give and take of a social network like Youth Voices.