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    Bobbie commented on the post, america on trial

    The writing provides a powerful personal perspective on the tragedy of police brutality and mass incarceration through your connection to Khalil. However, some sections are very detailed and can kind of dilute the core message. Tightening the focus on your key arguments and calls to action could make this writing even more impactful.

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    Bobbie commented on the post, This Is My Body

    Your writing promotes a positive message of self-love and body acceptance. However, some of the statements are kind of general. Grounding the advice in more specific, personal anecdotes could make the narrative more impactful and relatable, great writing!

  • The opening powerfully hooked me in by grounding the mass incarceration issue in your personal storytelling and Starr’s credibility as an athlete advocate. However, the closing gets a bit confusing, pivoting to discuss reforming the justice system through the UN. Overall, maintaining a tighter focus on specific injustices and calls to action could…Read More

  • I like how your analysis uses a Marxist perspective to examine inequality in Atlanta’s transportation development shown in Traffic Jam. A strength you have is connecting the imagery to Atlanta’s history of slavery, pay gaps, and redlining. However, the comparison to Philly could be expanded more explicitly. Overall, it thoughtfully explores how…Read More

  • The analysis does a good job showing how Traffic Jam reveals racism in the built environment. A strength is connecting this to The 1619 Project’s themes about historical power imbalances. However, it could separate examples from the article versus outside evidence more clearly. Overall, it thoughtfully examines how past injustices shaped the…Read More

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Youth Voices is an open publishing and social networking platform for youth. The site is organized by teachers with support from the National Writing Project. Opinions expressed by writers are their own.  See more About Youth VoicesTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy.All work on Youth Voices is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

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