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  • Ajonea
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    Ajonea wrote a new post

    The open eye can see a lot

    each tear that drops

    of those forgot,

    The memories that somehow faded away

    even some that are here to stay

     

    The open eye can hear alot

    each silent cry

    that speaks so loud

    each

    The open eye

    The open eye can see a lot each tear that drops of those forgot, The memories that somehow faded away even some that are here to stay   The open eye can hear alot each silent cry that speaks so loud each person that whines " why am...

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    5 Comments
    • I love how you use the perspective of the eye.i also like that you talk about thinks people see that the other perso most likely won’t want them to see.

    • I really like how deep this poem goes. It really spoke to me and i can really connect to it. They rhyming is great too! Its both sad and uplifting. I really enjoyed it 🙂

    • I liked this poem a lot. I appreciate that you sort of had the theme of “the eyes are the windows to the soul” but never blatantly said it. You also kind of reversed it where the eye is looking out and seeing things that others can’t. Similar to what Em said, I love the range of emotion you put into this.

    • Ajonea, I really liked this poem. I feel that you writing about the open eye goes deeper into what the eye can really do. When you say “…The open eye can hear a lot…” This really touched me because when I see certain things happening its almost like I can hear it happening, especially if it is a common action, like a car door shutting or a cats meow. I found this article and I think you will like it because it talks about the common saying “your eyes are the window to your soul” and you went into deeper meaning about the eye in your poem. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201512/your-eyes-really-are-the-window-your-soul. I would love to read more of your poems!

    • Ajonea –
      I love this poem. The title caught my eye and I am so glad I clicked on it. Your analogy with the “open eye” is remarkable and this poem really shows how a few words can speak a thousand truths. I especially like how you ended your poem with “The world kinda needs you”, it stands out from the rest of the poem and leaves the reader with a profound take away. I hope to hear more from your work, it is really impressive.

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    Ajonea wrote a new post

    James Baldwin, writes about the idea and concept of racism various times in his novel “The Fire Next Time”. He speaks of where negroes stand in america and much more. His word choice and use of certain lit

    Baldwin's sophisticated take on racism

    James Baldwin, writes about the idea and concept of racism various times in his novel “The Fire Next Time”. He speaks of where negroes stand in america and much more. His word choice and use of certain literary devices...

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    2 Comments
    • Ajonea,
      I think Baldwin makes a very strong argument, and you seem to have put a lot of thought into the topic as well. In today’s society, this is especially relevant, as blacks are still feeling the effects of this racism and trying to overcome it. Thank you for sharing your analysis of Baldwin’s work.

    • Ajonea,
      I found your analysis very interesting and agree with you that Baldwin makes a strong argument. African Americans are still feeling the wrath of racism and this topic is as relevant as it has ever been. While we have made strides toward equality, we are no where near perfection. To empower your writing even more read over it and edit out grammar mistakes. Furthermore, capitalize the beginning of the quote you use for grammatical reasons and emphasis. I very much enjoyed your analysis of how Baldwin used syntax as well. Literary tools are always important to recognize.
      Thank you for sharing!

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    Ajonea wrote a new post

    You know after talking to you

    Sometimes,
    Just sometimes, I think about dying
    Not like, I’m sick of my life dying
    But
    If I died tomorrow
    I would tell you everything
    Like,
    How I love that you pretend not to

    Dear You

    You know after talking to you Sometimes, Just sometimes, I think about dying Not like, I'm sick of my life dying But If I died tomorrow I would tell you everything Like, How I love that you pretend not to care But you care so much Or how I...

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    13 Comments
    • I really like your poem. You are connecting it to your personal life which will help you write more poems. I like the way you worded your poem.

    • very good poem. I like how you made the poem fits with problems a lot of people have today like people not responding to the texts

    • I really like the emotion in your poem, its something that many many people could relate. 10/10 would recommend

    • this poem is so good! It has a deep meaning. I like how this poem has a good flow.

    • your poem is really good it has a lot of meaning

    • I thought your poem was really well written, I felt a lot of meaning behind it. You addressed things that aren’t always talked about, but you know it was happening, like ‘When you take hours to reply’ and the pretending not to care, which was very nicely worded. Those are little things that can show love and start fights, they hold a lot of emotion. I do think you could’ve made the ending flow a little better but overall I think you did a very nice job with this poem. You have a great voice, and I would love to see more of your work!

    • This poem is really deep; I really liked it. I also like how you came in complete circle by going back to saying something about dying. This also reminded me of that movie, Ten Things I Hate About You, when the main character was saying something similar. Great job!

    • Hey Ajonea,
      I really liked this poem, the line breaks add significance to each line and I especially enjoyed how you tied the ending back to the beginning.

    • I really like this poem, I can relate to it which is a very important thing that makes writing good. You use good description that helps the reader imagine two people that love each other. Feelings of love are very powerful, and you channel them well. Great job, I liked this poem and the impact it had.

    • Great poem! I think many teenagers can relate. It reminded me of the movie Ten Things I Hate About You.

    • Ajonea,
      I really enjoyed your poem, there were a lot of parts that I could relate to. Your poem was very deep yet compelling, there were some very crucial subjects that most people won’t talk about that I thought you talked about very well. Overall, I enjoyed your poem 🙂
      Sloane

    • I really enjoyed your poem. I found it really easy to connect to because I think most people have experienced something or someone like this in their lives. You did a masterful job at bringing all of your emotions together in a poem, and I think that you should continue to write poetry.

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    Ajonea wrote a new post

     

    I once had a friend,                       

    That friend was 5 stories in 1

    She was light brown

    With slight curves

    But her tips were sharp

    From the outside she was prickly

    Anything that touched her

    A Story to Be Told

      I once had a friend,                        That friend was 5 stories in 1 She was light brown With slight curves But her tips were sharp From the outside she was prickly Anything that touched her...

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    2 Comments
    • Ajonea,
      I love your poem! It is really unique and I could really picture this girl you were writing about. You’ve left me now wanting to know what did this girl wrong and what made her so sharp?

    • Ajonea,
      I really liked how you used metaphors to help produce an image of this person. Your writing style appears more as something that you truly wanted to write about and feel very passionate about.

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    Ajonea wrote a new post

    I am from thanksgiving and Christmas eve,

    From whenever you go to grandma’s house you eat

    From he’s my dad even though he’s not my father

    I am from the south

    Not heavy accent south, but biscuits with gravy

    Where I'm From

    I am from thanksgiving and Christmas eve, From whenever you go to grandma’s house you eat From he’s my dad even though he’s not my father I am from the south Not heavy accent south, but biscuits with gravy south The big red house...

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    1 Comment
    • I liked the way that you outlined this. Where are you from? Also, I understood what you were talking about and it was very interesting. You are a good writer. I know that you only go to school fro your mother, but I would reccommend you to go to school for yourself because there are many opportunities that will help you succeed in life.

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The open eye

Baldwin’s sophisticated take on racism

Dear You

A Story to Be Told

Where I’m From

Youth Voices is an open publishing and social networking platform for youth. The site is organized by teachers with support from the National Writing Project. Opinions expressed by writers are their own.  See more About Youth VoicesTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy.All work on Youth Voices is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

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