Open Door

I wake up tired and beat from all the hard work I was doing on Friday. I’m still behind on some school work but I’ll get it done this weekend. I brush my teeth and put on some clothes to start my day. I wake up at 7:30 to see my mom off to work since we barely see each other all day. I saw my mom already dressed for work and making breakfast. I complain about the school work that I had to do but it seems like she doesn’t care.

“Can you turn on the TV for me since I’m cooking and turn the channel to the news.” My Mom said. I turned on the TV and changed the channel to 6, my Mom loves to watch the news and the show 48 hours. I guess she gets a little thrill out of it, the news Anchor is talking about something that has been happening around my neighborhood lately.

“There have been about 6 break ins in this community and at all the crime scenes there have been bodies found slashed up and valuable items missing. People of that community have been calling the person The Midnight Slasher, all the break ins seem to occur at midnight so we advise you to lock your doors and stay safe.” The News Anchor said.

“I am working extra hours today Angelo so I won’t be back until 1:00 AM so make sure you do some chores and lock up since there’s a killer on the loose.”My Mom said. I don’t get why my Mom is so paranoid about these kinds of things and don’t understand why. My Mom left for work, I was going to see the new movie Batman Begins with some friends but I’m behind on my work and gotta do chores what a drag. I got started on my chores and my school work but got bored so instead I watched some TV to kill time. I have a feeling that I forgot to do something, this always happens to me. I try to remember but have no clue what it was I had to do. As I’m watching TV I notice my eyes getting heavier and before I know it, It’s dark. Once I wake up again I notice my TV is still on, then I look at the time on the clock. It’s 10:00 at night, I get up to go upstairs until I see a shadowy figure in the corner of my left eye going upstairs. I called out “mom” to see if she came home early but there was no response. “I freeze in fear thinking what if someone just broke into my house”. I try to call the police but my house phone is dead.I gotta get out of this house so I creep over to the front door to leave but I see a reflection in the glass of the door. It’s a man standing behind me with a bat, then everything went dark for me. I wake up in my office chair with a headache and blood dripping from my head. I try to remember what happened to me then it hits me that I am a victim of a break in. Can it be the person on the news I don’t know for sure SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE” I screamed. Footsteps getting closer to my bedroom so I stopped screaming.

“Shut the hell up before I kill you. Where can I find the jewelry in this house? HEY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?” The Man asked me.

Then I ask him “Who are you? Are you the Midnight Slasher?” He had no response, instead he punched me in the face and asked the same question. 

“WHERE CAN I FIND THE JEWELRY IN THIS HOUSE.” 

I responded with “I don’t know” He turned his back to me and looked like he was thinking. I hear a car shut and the beep of the car to lock, no it can’t be why is she home early.

“Angelo where are you at boy? And didn’t I tell you to clean this house up? It looks like a mess.“ My mom yelled. 

“MOM GET OUT OF HERE THERE A MAN IN THE HOUSE.”I screamed out. The Man turned his head to me and smiled. He ran out of my room and I hear him going down the stairs. I hear my mom struggling to fight him. The next thing I hear is a scream from my mom and a thud.I think to myself am I next but I remember I have a Swiss army knife in my drawer I roll over to it in my office chair and cut the rope that binds me. I hear him come up the stairs, So I pretend to be bonded by the ropes when he comes back to my room.

“Your mom isn’t dead but she is in need of an ambulance, just give me what I want and I’ll let you two live.”  I told him to come closer so I could tell him where the jewelry was. As he came closer to my face I stabbed him in the eye with the knife and ran out of my room to escape. I see my mom lying on the floor of my living room at the bottom of the stairs in a puddle of blood with an insane stab wound. I checked for her pulse but there was none.  Something snapped in me when I saw my mom hurt like. 

“I’m gonna kill you, you hear me you bastard You’re a dead man.” I said

“Tough talk from a little runt like yourself I’m going to kill you just like I did to your mom and I’m gonna enjoy every second of it, and I think I’m a take that little name the news have been calling me what was it again oh right now I remember it’s The Midnight Slasher.” A title of nerves hit me as he said that but I gotta stay strong for the most important person in my life. The Midnight Slasher screamed in pain as he took the knife out of his eye and pointed the knife at me.

“An eye for an eye. “Midnight Slasher said. He walks down to the bottom of the stairs with the knife firmly in his hand. I run at him to tackle him and he stabs me but I still get him to the ground. I use years of wrestling practice to my advantage, and I put him in a choke hold. He tries to over power me but I use all my weight to take him out. He tries to put pressure on where he stabbed me but I still wouldn’t budge. He stopped struggling and dropped the knife so I let go of him but he elbowed me in the face and tried to crawl away. I grabbed the knife and just stabbed him as he tried to escape over and over and over again until he didn’t move anymore. I look in a mirror at myself but I don’t see myself. I see someone completely different and I can’t tell which blood belongs to who anymore. I go to a neighbor’s house covered in blood asking them to call an ambulance. I collapse from all the blood that I lost, Where am I and why am I covered in bandages. I see my Father holding my hand and it sounds like he’s mumbling something. I haven’t seen my Father since him and my mom split apart, I haven’t seen him for a year and suddenly he is right next to me. I ask him what happened to me? He didn’t answer my question, instead he hugged me until I couldn’t breathe anymore. 

“Thank god I thought I was gonna lose you too” My father said with tears in his eyes. What do you mean you too what happened to Mom?

“She’s gone by the time the ambulance arrived, she was already dead, they couldn’t save her.”My Father said. What about the man The Midnight Slasher is he dead too.

“They found his body all stabbed to hell right next to your mother. And all that happened a week ago and the doctor said I can take you home whenever you wake up. I got you some clothes since the other ones were covered in blood.” My father said. As I go outside I get blinded by the sun, I guess it takes some time to readjust to the sun. We arrived home and I was told to pack to move. My Mother was cremated when I was still in the hospital but I wish I could have seen her one last time. 6 months later, I go to therapy now and I’m in New York, the city that never sleeps. I say that I am better now but  It feels like a part of me died that night with my Mom. I get these nightmares now and I can’t be in a room by myself anymore when I am. I feel like I’m not alone and someone is going to get me.

 

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February 8, 2022 4:18 pm

I loved your story. Although you made a few mistakes, I liked how fast-paced the story was. I also love that eerie feeling that the main character was left with at the end.

Raniyah
February 8, 2022 2:48 am

I think you should have been more specific about your setting. For example, you stated, “There have been about 6 break ins in this community and at all the crime scenes there have been bodies found slashed up and valuable items missing.” I think you could have been more descriptive about the surroundings. It would have added character to the killer. Like I imagine him walking in your community. What was the neighborhood like? You could have also been more descriptive about what he looked like. For example, “He was 6 feet tall.” Something like that would have added imagination to his appearance. Also, for your story, I think you could work on your punctuation and grammar. I like how the show your mom watches relates to the thriller of your story and The Midnight Slasher. I like the flow of it, and how you weren’t freaking out when you had a killer in your neighborhood because I would have freaked out, lol. I think for this sentence “Can it be the person on the news I don’t know for sure SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE” I screamed.” you should put a quotation mark before someone since this is dialogue. I like that you added tone to the Midnight Slasher added characterization to the story and made me more interested.
This story was very interesting, every next step of tension made me want to keep reading. It made me keep wondering how could this possibly get worst? After your mom passed away. Good Job! The suspicion in your story really added tone to your story!

February 7, 2022 11:38 pm

i liked the story from the start i love that he mentioned how he loved his mom soo much by saying apart of him died with her

February 7, 2022 8:39 pm

Right off the rip, I love the start. I love that,”I wake up tired and beat from all the hard work I was doing on Friday.” Reading that makes me think i’m in for a good one. It’s a great story though, don’t think I ran into any errors and it’s an eye opener.

February 7, 2022 6:34 pm

I love how your story is a thriller. It has me in suspense almost every moment. I love the part where the killer said “Shut the hell up before I kill you. Where can I find the jewelry in this house? HEY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?” The Man asked me.
Then I ask him “Who are you? Are you the Midnight Slasher?” He had no response, instead he punched me in the face and asked the same question. That part just had me smiling altogether. and the fight scene was really good of how you explained how he killed the killer.

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