Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Sweat drips from my skin. Like heavy rain. I’m on a case trying to solve a strange train coming and leaving. For some odd reason people don’t return? I carry my ticket. Gold like a feather. Soft like a pillow.  Felt like I was holding money. The train was yellow.  It was a first class train.  Some parts of the train had rusty steel.  


 ALL!! Aboard the conductor yelled. I gave him the ticket.  The floor was wooden. Old wooden floor. Creaky but yet sturdy.  The inside of the train smelt like coal. Smoke in the air.  As if it’s a cigar.

unpleasant smell.

I keep walking on the creaky wooden floor to my seat. I’m the only one there.  The chair was metal. Cold as steel. Luckily I wore my trench coat so it wasn’t that cold.  A window was cracked and some glass was still on the ground so I got the cold winter breeze. Wind blowing in my ears  as if buffaloes were chasing the train.  BAM! A gunshot is heard around the train.   People were screaming across the train  another BAM! Echoes  across the train. It sounded close. A bit too close. 


As the detective on this case I have no choice but to solve this. The palms of my hand feel like fresh blood bleeding from it. Warm.  And cold. 

My mind is feeling dizzy. Like a ferris wheel spinning around.  I felt like  someone “done” a crime “dirt” “cheap

A Shiver runs down from my back. Cold like a fresh winter.  I hear a door open as if someone is peeking in.   It felt like someone was over my neck with a knife.  Too close. Too silent. 


 A person  walked into the room.

I grabbed my revolver not knowing what danger it  could be. Creaking footsteps.  Getting closer I draw my gun.  Metal hard. Leather at the bottom from the holster. Sweat drips from my face as if I’m going to the electric chair. 


The wooden floors play the creaking sound.  As if the floor is about to give up. A person looks down on me.  Hello there! Says the person.  I’m sorry I came in here like that without announcing myself. I am the conductor  of this very train. I looked at this tag on his shirt. Kyle Woodson in all gold.  Nice to meet you Mr. Kyle? I’m Detective Valentine. I got reports that this train has disappearing passengers?  Kyle  looked wretched. His frown looked like an upside down half created moon. They don’t.


  Valentine was confused by the conductor’s answer .

  The conductor looked at me with his pale skin. Thin skinny face. His eyes looked directly into mine as if I’m being hypnotized by his green eyes and gray fluffy short hair.  Bam a gunshot and another more repeats after another. 


It echoes across the train like a radio distress signal. I hear thumps sounds  but like a tune one after another hitting the creaky wooden floor.  The conductor  and I get up to find who is the killer.  I grasped my revolver close. Heart beating like a rhyme,  “lub dub,  lub dub” The palms of my hands leaks sweat  on to the cold steel gun. “Lub dub, lub dub”  the gun nearly slips from my hand from all of the sweat.  Teeth clenched  on the lip blood dripped from it like small droplets. 


 I open the door. 

 The room looked like a red ball room.   Bodies toppled from one another.  The “deed” is done, said the conductor.   


I  slowly widened my eyes.


And I woke up.

  I sit alone. Cold.  skin rough like the hard ground.

  I take a deep breath and eat another mental pill.  


While I cleaned the  old crime scene I once committed at 0500. 

The conductor patted me on the back.  Was it really worth it? Was killing the clear minded worth a ring to my ears?  I checked my watch at 0500.  Take another pill. To forget a deed I done dirt cheap.

  The conductor  wanted to get the money from the rich people on the train so he hired me to finish and clean the job for him at the cost of a watch.  Gold in glory. Shiny like a pearl. Tick like a bomb. I woke up again at 0500 in my office.  The conductor walks in giving me the paper of the deal.  I don’t want to do this but it’s the only way to drive my puzzling mystery to a buzz, sometimes  the only way to heal our wounds is to make peace with the demons who created them. 

A monster I’ve become for a loss of time.  ALL ABOARD the watch is back at 0500.


Before I even gave my ticket “again” someone stole my ticket from my hand.  I chased the figure in white and gold cloak.  On the train with fearful eyes.  The passengers  looked confused at the situation  they were seeing. 


HOLD THAT’S MY TICKET! I yelled at the mysterious figure  running through the crowd like a football player rushing off the defenders. I then pulled out the revolver aimed with confident eyes at the figure but I knew something didn’t feel right. 


   Running as fast as I can and must, I grabbed the figure by the end of it’s golden royal like cloak.  And tackle him.  I felt a shiver run down my spine as if a deep breath of cold air hit the bones and made it cold like frostbite, blue and purple and some red.  


The cloak figure was me! But this person is  different from me.  Younger smooth skin like a sunny day. Eyes brown like a tree trunk. 


  Hair  down like a wet mop when it gets soaked from water. The hair was black like the night sky without stars. Who are you!? Why are you here!? I yelled at the impostor with confusion and anger on my face like seeing something new but with discuss.  


I looked at the watch and it’s just like mine  but this importer’s name was Joseph Valentine shining all in glory in his golden name tag. 


Where did you get the watch? I asked. He said from the conductor it was a birthday present but I was given a “ticket” and lost it  so I try to steal yours. 


I sat down distraught and worried. Face  dripping with fresh sweat like a fearful child prepared to be yelled at by their parents. My fist was red like an  apple and veins showed like thunder in the sky.


You are telling me we are in a time loop?. I asked Joseph . 


He nodded in agreement. Creak footsteps came behind us. Clap, clap, clap it sounded like a person was pleased by a show he just saw. It looked over my shoulder and it was the conductor  smiling like a  madman.  

I aimed my revolver at the  conductor.


Teeth cracked with hard gritting.  Face red like an active volcano.  You finally found yourself a few seconds early this time. 

Before the train massacre.

I then piece the puzzle together. The impostor was the shooter from the beginning.  first one who killed the passengers.  My sweat dripped across the old wooden floor in disbelief of the reality I’m in right now.

  Welp I guess time is almost up again “Detective”  why don’t you  check the time again? Said the conductor . 


I looked at my watch this time it showed  a different time 0600.  I looked back up with  a pale face of shock.  I then wake up again in the cold breeze. 


The conductor was slowly walking towards me but with a smirk on his face. His teeth were red like a rose. 

Oh Valentine, are you awake?   He carried a revolver. Brown. Steel. I quickly got up and ran. He shoots like an archer one bullet hits my leg and feels like a needle was being put inside over and over on the same wound. I

  break the door down seeing the rusty old tracks. I had no choice but to either live another life and do deeds I don’t want to do or live a life as a villain. I jumped from the train. 


Eyes closed. Mouth shut like a gate. Arms up like a helpless and hopeless bird.  Lub dub lub dub. My heart wouldn’t stop beating fast.   Splash!  I hit the hard winter cold lake ice.

  My body felt frozen like a nightmare. I can’t move in.  

stuck like a fly on a spider web.  

My eyes felt  weak. 

I hear a faint sound.

0500, 0500, 0500. I then closed my eyes. 


I woke up  in the middle of the office.   I stood up quickly, searching my surroundings far and wide.  


My hands drip with sweat. 

I felt sleepless and tired.

Drained from energy.  


I couldn’t let this nightmare repeat again.

With all of the might I had left in me I got up and ran.

To a place wasn’t a here or there.

Nor a somewhere or here.


My arms felt like needles were stabbing them constantly. TAP TAP TAP TAP.

My arms were getting weaker but I kept running as fast as I could. I saw a bright door. 0500, 0500, 0500 kept ringing in my ears 0500, 0500.


It won’t go away. It rang like a clock. 

Ticked like a bomber. I was about to explode with  fear. 


TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, now my legs felt like spikes were thrown into them. 



The need to go home was now a must.

  I wanted it more.   Nobody else but me. 

I opened  the door quickly. 

Like it was the only present I hadn’t opened yet. 


0500, 0500,0500,0500 rang across the room, I opened the door. 


My face became sweaty. Ocean-like feet.  Weak like an old rock my legs  have become. 


I was at the front of the train now.  0500, 0500, 0500. Rang into my ears like a drum beating to a beat. 


I screamed like a wild man who hasn’t seen humanity nor salvation before. 


I banged my fist on the steel wall. 


BANG. BANG. BANG. my fist bleeded like a river starting to flow. A flower that began to bloom its deep red colors. Like a  talent show. 


Drip drop, drip drop, my sweat left my face.


Drip drop drip drop. I couldn’t feel my legs. Drip drop drip drop. My arms wanted to give up. 


Creaking sounds began to start up again. Heavy footsteps. Walking like a sleepless zombie. 


Drip drop drip drop. Tears began to fall from my eyes as if I just witnessed beauty or  tragedy. 


I got up with rage. Some of it was sad. Some of it was pain. 


I refused to stay in this do-over again.   


I looked at the clock on my watch again.


0500.  The timer was going fast. Knock. Knock. I turned around with widened eyes. 


Knock knock. Was on the steel cold door.  I know you’re in there. Knock knock is what I heard from the steel door. I  WHO GOES THERE! I shout. 


Knock. Knock. Knock. Is what it responded with instead of my question.  




The  knocking stopped.


Silent. Cold. 


Was the only element that played in that room.


London Valentine.

I’m a Detective.


I opened my eyes even wider.

My jaw dropped like a crane swooping for it’s prey. 


Knock. Knock. Knock. Came from the other side of the door. 

I then  looked at the window.


With horrified eyes. 

There was no one.

Not a person. Not a thing. 

Not  one. Just me myself and I.


Knock. Knock. Knock.  Open up. Open up. Open up. I had no choice but to open the door. 


The cold wind hit me. Cold hearted.  Not much of a care.


My hands were cuffed.   Silver like steel.

Locked like a forgotten memory.


I was put in a cell. 

Bench wooden.  The air smelt like  old cheese but past the due date.   Inside the cell it felt like I was walking on nails but cold one’s.  Icy sharp.  My eyes were slowly closing. Almost drifted to sleep. But I realize something.

Everything was just a dream. The train. The murders. Or was it actually a time loop. Could’ve been  just a dream?  Doesn’t mater now I no longer have to do “dirty deeds done dirt cheap.”  I drift off to sleep in the shivering cold cell.


The end

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February 12, 2022 7:09 pm

When you are ready to POST this as a Discussion, here’s how:

February 8, 2022 7:39 pm

I love the atmosphere this story creates. The twist and turns and the processes in this story are amazing.

February 8, 2022 4:27 pm

Good Job!

February 8, 2022 4:16 pm

I really like the mystery of your story. Also how it’s really descriptive of what he’s going through especially in the beginning of the story. The ending of the story plot twist really gets me wondering and think about what just happened. Your whole story in general just gets me wondering what just happened.

Last edited 11 months ago by Jupree
February 8, 2022 3:16 am

I like how everything is well detailed, it gives a lot to the story.The story is so interesting it makes you want to keep reading.I like how everything seems so clear to read, that’s always good.All together I think you did a great job with the story honestly.

Reply to  Isabel
February 8, 2022 2:50 pm

Yeah, I loved the descriptive details too. And the concept of the mystery of the dream and the use of time, keeps readers engaged all the way through. There are a few parts where I got confused. With some minor edits, I would love for this piece to be posted for the entire Youthvoices community.

Youth Voices is an open publishing and social networking platform for youth. The site is organized by teachers with support from the National Writing Project. Opinions expressed by writers are their own.  See more About Youth VoicesTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy.All work on Youth Voices is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License


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