It was the summer of 2015 remember? You got the news that two of your grandkids were coming to Mexico. My mom told me that you were happy to finally meet my sister and me. 

The first time I saw you, you had a huge smile across your face ready to love us to death. But as much as I was excited I felt lost. I didn’t know anyone and I had already gotten closer to my dad’s side of the family. When you came I was having so much fun with my cousins I didn’t want to leave. You took us to see one of my many tia’s and I noticed my new cousins. They just stared at me and didn’t say one word to me after we exchanged hellos. None of them were my age. They were either too small or too grown up with kids. Then we went to your house where my mom took her first steps and also where she was literally born. 

I was becoming bored. I had nobody to play with and everyone was just going for the clothes I bought. That’s when I asked you when could we go with my other grandma and you told me in a bit. We didn’t really spend time together because shortly after you had us taken to our other grandma. 

I knew there were days I was supposed to go with you but I would remember how bored I got last time. So I decided not to go. That was the last time I saw you. 

Summer of 2016 we went to visit once again but this time I was ready for all your love. 

But when we got there my uncles told us that you were in the hospital because you weren’t feeling well. All I wanted to do was to see you and hug you and say how sorry I was for being a brat. My uncles said that it was no use taking us to the hospital because they wouldn’t let us in to see you. I told myself it was okay, that you were gonna be okay. That I would just tell you how sorry and how much I love you next time we come. 

It was still summer of 2016, I was coming home from school and saw my mom sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and she didn’t answer me. My dad said, “ Your grandma has passed away.” And at that moment I felt my heart shatter. 

You were supposed to tell me stories about my mom when she was little and how my grandpa was the most loving man. I felt like this was my fault I took you for granted and now I have lost you. 

I still think about you every single day, I think about all the what if’s, but I know it won’t change anything. I know you are with grandpa now and I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss you and wish we were here. You will always be in my mind and heart. Thank you for leaving me a piece of you within my mom because every time I see her I see you. I know you will be keeping safe from up there. Until we meet again. 

With love,  Joceline

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