Christopher swinging next to me
afternoon, cloudy summer day
a few kids running around
I fell off the swing, i couldn’t move my arm
My mom called the ambulance
The siren was making noises
felt scared
was dealing with horrible pain in the arm
seen a lot of medicine around me
The two doctors making me feel better
I seen my mom looking sad
When I woke up and seen I was in the hospital there were two doctors
was confused what happened
I thought I was dreaming
Also I seen that I had a cast in my arm
The doctor told me I had screws in my arm and I was surprised
Had a lot of pain with the cast on.
Dear Deigo,
I am impressed by your post, your writing was interesting speaks on behalf of the difficult experience you faced as a kid. Especially when being a child can be overwhelming. You went into detail and in little words said so much. You speak about being scared and confused which is understanding when in that situation. I know you were in much pain considering you had just broken your arm. You went from a normal day to a situation that you nor your mom would imagine.
I’m glad you were able to get medical attention quickly. I’m glad the doctors were friendly and made you feel comfortable while in pain. They did an amazing job of helping you recover. Personally, as a kid, I never broke a bone which is an incident many children go through. I mention this because your experience and the form it’s written creates emotion towards the audience and I know the pain was very harsh but a sentence that stood out to me “The doctor told me I had screws in my arm and I was surprised .” It stood out to me because as mentioned before I have never broken a bone and was curious if screws were normal? Or was it just in your case? Even though I hope your recovery was fast and you’re okay. Just be careful because accidents happen.
Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next because I like your form of structure and your experience was interesting.
Fatima
Dear Diego,
I was amazed at what you wrote just really catches my attention on how you had to deal with that because I have never experienced that and just explaining how it all went down was really interesting.
one sentence that stood out to me was when you said, “I fell off the swing, i couldn’t move my arm” because I couldn’t imagine how you felt or even the fear you were feeling in that position.
Thank Diego for writing this wonderful writing I hope to hear more stories from you .
Dear Diego
I can really connect to your injury. I am an active person that does sports and an injury also is very worrying. You never know what might happen, or how long you will be out. You have to adjust your whole life.
One sentence that stood out to me was “felt scared”. I felt that because it could impact your whole life, because you never know how it will leave your body after.
Thanks for writing, I am looking forward to seeing what you have to write next. I can relate with injuries and it is not a good thing to go through.
Neftaly Mateos
Hey Diego, I liked the way you set this up. I think it being in poem format gives the story more emotion and insight into what you were feeling at the time. Thanks for writing.
I think did a very good job by adding details that really makes the readers connect and imagine exactly what happened.
This reminds me of when I dislocated my shoulder. I don’t have vivid memories, I just remember that it hurt really bad for quite a while. I feel like the brief descriptions depict what it is like to go through an injury. You’re so focused on the pain you don’t exactly know what’s going on.
I like how you use a poem to tell your story. There is a complete storyline that gives the reader what happened and how you feel. I love how you depicted the environment and surrounding not only your own emotion, the siren, your mom’s face all support the tone of your poem, I think it’s a great poem. Hope you’re feeling better.
Hey Diego. This reminds me of the time I broke my toe. I really liked how you described your mom’s emotion – it was the same way with me. She was concerned (though more concerned that I was crying and not that my toe was blue and swollen). You also described it a lot like a fever dream, and that’s also how I felt (thought not to the same extent as you because the doctors couldn’t really do anything for a broken toe). Things blur in and out of focus. I would like to know a little more about what it was like right after you broke your arm. Did Christopher help you? What was it like? Thanks for your post!
I’m so sorry this happened! Your title was very engaging and it was the first one I wanted to click on. It is interesting to hear that there were screws in your arm, that sounds crazy. I am glad you were able to recover though.
I really like how you effortlessly set the setting. I really like your poem I think adding a metaphor or other figurative language would add to your poem nicely. I liked the part when you said you thought you were dreaming when you woke up and saw the doctors standing beside you.
This poem paints the picture of an unexpected event. One moment you can be happy with no worries, the next you could be in an ambulance headed to the hospital. Take life with a grain of salt.