Christopher swinging next to me
afternoon, cloudy summer day
a few kids running around 
I fell off the swing, i couldn’t move my arm 
My mom called the ambulance 
The siren was making noises

felt scared
was dealing with horrible pain in the arm  
seen a lot of medicine around me 
The two doctors making me feel better
I seen my mom looking sad

When I woke up and seen I was in the hospital there were two doctors
was confused what happened
I thought I was dreaming
Also I seen that I had a cast in my arm  
The doctor told me I had screws in my arm and I was surprised  
Had a lot of pain with the cast on.

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Neftaly(@neftalyochs)
January 11, 2022 8:45 pm

Dear Diego
I can really connect to your injury. I am an active person that does sports and an injury also is very worrying. You never know what might happen, or how long you will be out. You have to adjust your whole life.
One sentence that stood out to me was “felt scared”. I felt that because it could impact your whole life, because you never know how it will leave your body after.
Thanks for writing, I am looking forward to seeing what you have to write next. I can relate with injuries and it is not a good thing to go through.
Neftaly Mateos

Claire B
Claire B(@clairebjudge)
December 13, 2021 5:58 pm

Hey Diego, I liked the way you set this up. I think it being in poem format gives the story more emotion and insight into what you were feeling at the time. Thanks for writing.

Mariam(@mariamjudge)
December 11, 2021 4:15 am

I think did a very good job by adding details that really makes the readers connect and imagine exactly what happened.

Zoe(@zoejudge)
December 10, 2021 7:47 pm

This reminds me of when I dislocated my shoulder. I don’t have vivid memories, I just remember that it hurt really bad for quite a while. I feel like the brief descriptions depict what it is like to go through an injury. You’re so focused on the pain you don’t exactly know what’s going on.

Yan(@yanjudge)
December 10, 2021 6:05 pm

I like how you use a poem to tell your story. There is a complete storyline that gives the reader what happened and how you feel. I love how you depicted the environment and surrounding not only your own emotion, the siren, your mom’s face all support the tone of your poem, I think it’s a great poem. Hope you’re feeling better.

Alex
Alex(@alexjudge)
December 10, 2021 5:55 pm

Hey Diego. This reminds me of the time I broke my toe. I really liked how you described your mom’s emotion – it was the same way with me. She was concerned (though more concerned that I was crying and not that my toe was blue and swollen). You also described it a lot like a fever dream, and that’s also how I felt (thought not to the same extent as you because the doctors couldn’t really do anything for a broken toe). Things blur in and out of focus. I would like to know a little more about what it was like right after you broke your arm. Did Christopher help you? What was it like? Thanks for your post!

Olivia(@oliviajudge)
December 10, 2021 5:53 pm

I’m so sorry this happened! Your title was very engaging and it was the first one I wanted to click on. It is interesting to hear that there were screws in your arm, that sounds crazy. I am glad you were able to recover though.

Lily V(@lilyvjudge)
December 10, 2021 5:52 pm

I really like how you effortlessly set the setting. I really like your poem I think adding a metaphor or other figurative language would add to your poem nicely. I liked the part when you said you thought you were dreaming when you woke up and saw the doctors standing beside you.

Evan Nelson(@evanjudge)
December 10, 2021 5:51 pm

This poem paints the picture of an unexpected event. One moment you can be happy with no worries, the next you could be in an ambulance headed to the hospital. Take life with a grain of salt.

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