Tracks in Snow

My audience for this piece is children. I would like my anecdote to have a younger voice, making it easier to read. The purpose of this story is to share a story from the current winter and create a vivid image in readers’ minds.

My work is fiction. I like how my piece doesn’t formally introduce the fact that I am talking about a deer. I focused on word choice in my revisions. I would like to keep working on varying sentence structure.
As I peered out of my bedroom window, I noticed white spots blurring into the wintery mix that was pouring down from the sky. A tan, soft face crouched for his morning morsel. Leaves scrunched and folded into the fawns mouth. My heart melted as I positioned myself in my bed to achieve a better view of the dainty being. All I wanted was to be out there with her, interacting and enjoying the frosty day.
I knew that I had to hurry, or else I would miss her. My fuzzy socks catapulted me across the hardwood floor as I leapt towards my winter boots. With no intention of scaring the creature away, I cracked the door open and slid through into the winter wonderland that was Michigan in deep february. She suddenly halted her snack and looked straight at me. The stare down commenced.
The more steps I took towards her, the slower my steps became. One abrupt movement and it was game over. Her expression was hard to decipher; I believed it to be a combination of confusion and skepticism. Neither of us had been this close to the opposite species before. I cautiously extended my arm to reach under her face. I wanted to be sure that she was comfortable with me. The fawn’s head tilted as she took a few sniffs of my hand with her scrunched up nostrils. To my surprise, she quickly went back to enjoying her food. I was rejected. I was hoping for at least a gentle greeting but was given a cold turn of a head. Some tasty weeds she must have been eating, I suppose.

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