city skyline across body of water during sunset

I can still see it
above the yelling and screaming 
above the locked doors and heavy breathing 
above the beatings and blood 
above the intense lectures 
resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect
I can still see it 
above the rain
through the clouds
but never higher than God
I can see the sun
shining bright through the walls of despair
even when hell is loose inside rooms filled with contempt
I see the sun


I was inspired by “Along the East River and in the Bronx Young Men Were Singing,” by Ariel Francisco.


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March 11, 2021 10:12 pm

Dear Mbathio:

I am Amazed by your poem, “Along Manhattan Avenue,” because I really like how you’ve incorporated the techniques that you saw from your mentor poem and made it your own. I also like how genuine your poem is.

One line that stands out for me is, “shining bright through the walls of despair”. I think this line is impactful because it reminds me that even when things get tough there’s always hope for better days.

Another line that stands out for me is, “resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect”. This made me think about the pressure society puts on us to be the “ideal” person especially when it comes to our physical appearance.

Thanks for your poem. I really look forward to seeing what you make next.

February 19, 2021 10:20 pm

Dear Mbathio,
I delighted in your lyric “Along Manhattan Avenue,” since it was exceptionally genuine and agreeable. One line that stands out for me is, “resulting in you molding yourself to fit into somebody else’s box labeled “perfect”. I think this line is exceptionally genuine, we are all anticipated to be a certain way concurring to other peoples’ standards. Thanks for your sonnet. I see forward to seeing what you make another. I am looking forward to perusing your another curiously and thought-provoking poem.

February 11, 2021 8:48 pm

Dear Mbathio:
I am inspired by your poem, “ Along Manhattan Avenue ” because I like how you were able to take your poem that you chose in part 1 and make your poem so realistic and heartfelt.

One set of lines that stood out for me is, “above the yelling and screaming/above the locked doors and heavy breathing/ above the beatings and blood”. I think these lines are powerful because of the way you used sensory description.

Another line that stands out for me is, “resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect’”. I think this line is impactful because society forces stereotypes on us for what everyone should look like and dress like and act like. Your description is a perfect statement of this enforcement.

Your poem reminds me of a song that I listen to on the daily. The song describes a person looking in the mirror, analyzing her reflection, and seeing how to change herself. And I feel that this is an exact example of what you’re saying.

Thanks for your poem. I look forward to seeing what you make next.

Nico
February 11, 2021 12:39 am

Dear Mbathio,
I am interested in your poem, “Along Manhattan Avenue,” because I like how the sun was part of the poem and what it represents.
One line that stands out for me is, “molding yourself into someone elses box labeled ‘perfect’”. I think this line is striking because it is saying that you have to be “perfect” for other people and not be perfect for yourself.
Another line that stands out for me is, “I see the sun”. I think this line is compelling because even through all the things that are bad and how hard life is, you can still see the sun. I like how you repeated “I can see the sun”, or “I can see it”.
Your poem is very well written. I like the repetition of your sentences. I like how you said that you can still see the sun but you know that God is still above the sun. This poem stood out to me because of the descriptive language you used.
Great job on this poem. I’ll look forward to reading more poems like this one.

Tasneem
February 10, 2021 7:34 pm

Dear Mbathio, the reason why i chose to reply to your poem is because it stood out to me the most. I can say that everything you wrote i agree because that’s what goes around her in Manhattan (New York in general)

One stanza that stood out to me the most was “resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect”

This reminds me of one of my poems because i wrote about how people want you to fit their standard of beauty but never yours, and thats why it stood out to me . I think what you wrote was amazing.

Great job!!

Kaimea
February 10, 2021 4:06 pm

Dear Mbathio,
I enjoyed your poem “Along Manhattan Avenue ,” because it was very true and agreeable.
One line that stands out for me is, “resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect””. I think this line is very true, we are all expected to be a certain way according to other peoples’ standards.
Thanks for your poem. I look forward to seeing what you make next. I am looking forward to reading your next interesting and thought-provoking poems.

Ian
Ian
February 10, 2021 3:43 pm

Dear Mbathio:
I am shocked by your poem, “Along Manhattan Avenue,” because of what the meaning of the poem.
One line that stands out for me is, “resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect””. I think this line is good because of how we are expected to be perfect in this world.
Another line that stands out for me is, “but never higher than god.”. I think this line is great because it makes me think that no matter what, God is still the best and the one who is on top.
I look forward to seeing what you make next. I really loved this poem because it made me think about the deeper meaning within every line. I am excited for your next post.

Lexie
February 9, 2021 8:18 pm

Mbathio I love your poem.My favorite part of the poem is “ above the yelling and screaming

above the locked doors and heavy breathing

above the beatings and blood

above the intense lectures

resulting in you molding yourself to fit into someone’s else’s box labeled “perfect””.This is my favorite part because it reminds me of society and how we are always expected to be “perfect “ even though there is no perfect person.

Anderson
February 9, 2021 7:25 pm

dear mbathio

I am amazed by your poem “along Manhattan avenue because of the words and meaning behind this poem.

one line that stands out for me is “but never higher than God.” this stands out to me because it reminds me of how god is king and nobody is better then him

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