Fears, doubts, and strange loves

Swirl around me, too immense to manage

The only solace I can find

In my own chicken scratch writing

 

The sound of a tapping pencil

And of hands being slammed

The sting the force left behind

Ignored to get the line just right

 

A happy sounding sad song

In moments of bitter sadness

A roughly flowing poem

In moments overwhelming

 

One look at my writing could

Tell you my life story

Where I’ve come from

What inspires me

Who I love

 

I’ve been called predictable

Which I can agree with

Rereading writing from the past

Leaves me with this odd guilt

And hate where I once felt pride

There’s a weird pretentiousness

Redefining how I see the writing

 

I have a poem

Revisited year after year

It’s been through many iterations

None of them coherent upon return

 

Still when I look back at this poem

It brings a faint smile to my face

I can fondly remember it

The first time I felt inspired

Writing something

 

Which, I’m sure

Is why I revisit it

Year after year

Adding some and removing some

Changing a word here and there

Trying to lose the artificial feeling

 

Returning to it can sometimes feel wrong

Like I should leave it in the past

But I can’t

That feels worse

Like leaving behind an old friend

 

This piece is as much me as a writer

As it is my own writing

They grow on top of each other

Weaving between limbs and lines

Seeing this poem again

I know it still isn’t done

There’s always something to change

As time goes on

 

For while I grow and age

The world changes around me

Experiences form my shifting personality

Leading to a new way to see

 

The writing still flows

Rising from new understanding

Pulling from the fresh tears

Grasping at shy friendly smiles

 

Trying to find something

Anything to fuel that one piece

Reach that nirvana that you once felt

Though it’s infinitely far away

A moment like that only truly happens once

 

But life continues

With that constant straining

Trying to perfect something that can’t be

The chase of cat and mouse

Of the inspiration and those inspired

 

Only steps away

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CC BY-SA 4.0 My Mundane Written Life by Chelsea is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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1 Comment
  1. Sloane 3 weeks ago

    Chelsea,
    Your poem is very inspiring and I can tell that you have put a lot of thought into it, I also can tell that there is in fact a meaning behind it and I find your poem is quite good. I enjoyed your word choice and how every single line was well thought out and I overall enjoyed your poem very much.
    Sloane

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