Why Did You Hurt Me?

 

I wonder how many people have experienced the feeling

where you think you know someone

but then they make you realize

you don’t know them at all,

 

This is one of the worst feelings ever.

 

Have you ever Looked up to someone

and later on you find out that they  disappointed you?

Someone who you admire,

someone you thought was a role model for you

and then find out that they don’t care about you.

It’s disappointing.

 

They disappoint you and doesn’t even think about how it will affect you.

How are you going to throw everything away without thinking?

How are you going to happily throw everything away, leave everyone without thinking about how it’s going to affect them.

My heart is broken.

I’m surrounded by an air of  melancholy.

My mind is battling, fighting to see which side takes control.

But the fact that you didn’t want to tell us why you wanted to leave,

making up lies to try to escape a commitment you made,

is the lowest one can go.

 

But I can’t judge,

I do the same thing,

I hate myself for it but I can’t change.

I guess it’s something that runs in the family.

 

19 years as a family, you tell us that 10 of those years was only a lie and you were planning to leave.

Well honestly I hope that you are happy with losing everything, and everyone that once loved you.

 

I just want to ask why?

Why did you do it?

Was it worth it?

Will I ever find out the answers?

 

This was the second time you have done this,

The first was only a small,

But this, this is something huge.

I don’t feel the same, I’m not the same.

I feel different, I feel two main people in my head.

One who is happy and who wants to continue and make the plans I have made come true, and the other who just wants to give up.

 

The one who wants to throw the towel, and everything I have away and just “DIE.”

You have hurt me, you have destroyed the love I once had for you and honestly I hope you’re happy and it was worth it.

Even though that dark side wants to take over and win,

there are things helping me to not lose myself.

The thought of the dark side wins then I would have been exactly like him.

 

The person who wronged us as a family.

And just the thought of being similar is just horrible.

The love from my family and the love from the closest person to me is what drives me,

Drives me to get up, go to school,

Drives me to do my work, drives me to try and succeed.

They drive me to be better.

The truth is Without them I would be lost right now.

I would not be able to try, I wouldn’t have the strength that I have now.

Having my whole world destroyed to pieces is something I thought I was never going to be able to pick myself up and try to continue,

I thought that the first world crushing thing that hit me is where everything would have ended for me,

But I am thankful for the people who have given me the strength to continue, even if they don’t know they have helped me,

 

They have, They all have.

They probably don’t know what I’m going through because I made myself distant from them.

I separated myself, and why did I do that?

Well it all started with a small problem, which later turned out to be a huge problem and I was going through something that made me mad and I was always moody,

I didn’t want them to see this side of me because it wasn’t their fault,

They didn’t do anything to me.

 

And that’s why I decided to separate myself

Because it wouldn’t have been fair to them.

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CC BY-SA 4.0 Why Did You Hurt Me? by Marlon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

2 Comments
  1. Ben 1 month ago

    This piece is extremely well written great job! I wasn’t expecting such a powerful story full of tender emotion like this. I completely agree with Vesna that the true pain can not be expressed but I sure felt betrayal from reading this. No matter how traumatic the experience, you never know how tough it can be until you are in the situation yourself.

  2. Vesna 1 month ago

    Dear Marlon,

    I feel that a lot of people who read this would have no clue that you were going through it. I can relate in a way to what you’re saying. Not only with the stuff about having a love one leave you but also, “And that’s why I decided to separate myself. Because it wouldn’t have been fair to them.” I feel like very often when we are going through our own struggles we tend to separate from those around us not because we don’t want to talk to them but because they haven’t done anything to deserve to see us at our worst. This was a great piece and thanks for sharing it.

    Sincerely
    Vesna Sot

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