The world is already cold

Family is supposed to give you that warmth

That warmth you need to survive the cold

That love

That care

I never felt that warmth

That love

That care

I felt the cold

I felt the remorse

I felt that resentment

I felt the tension

I felt the regrets

I felt the words cutting into my heart

I felt the tears running down my face

I felt the screams

I felt the cold

I grew cold

 

I had never felt love

And I already hated it

Love wasn’t something I knew

It was something I never felt

The absence of love killed me

It ate me alive

 

What could I do?

I needed things to be okay

I wanted things to be okay

I needed you to be here

I needed your love

I needed your hugs

I needed your warmth

I am your daughter

You are my mom

The single most important women in my life

I needed you to be here

 

I know you don’t understand

You didn’t grow up feeling how I was feeling

But I needed you to understand

I needed you to wipe my tears away

But instead you caused them to roll down my face

I was alone

I just needed you to understand

 

Your little girl was in no way okay

She was lost

She was being engulfed by a wave of darkness

Not knowing what to do

Not knowing how to escape

 

And you just watched

You watched the tears roll down my face

You watched me walk into my room

A room full of darkness

A room full of sadness

Full of despair

Full of anger

 

You just watched

You let me walk away

Instead of pulling me close

You let me go

 

I needed your love

I needed things to be okay

I needed you to save me

But instead you let me slip away

 

And now you say I’ve changed

You say I’m not that happy girl anymore

I’m not that girl who smiles all the time

Little do you know you broke that smile

You broke me

 

And now you’re trying the reverse the damage you have done

It might be to late

I’ve built a wall

I don’t wanna hurt anymore

I think I’ve hurt enough

And if letting you in is going to hurt

I rather not let you in at all

The damage has been done

Don’t you think it’s a little too late to pick up the broken pieces?

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CC BY-SA 4.0 Nothing but Cold by Yaqui is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

2 Comments
  1. Ben 4 months ago

    I have never heard family love described like this but at the same time, it makes so much sense. I envision myself by a warm fireplace but I don’t feel at home until I have my family right next to me. It must be so awful that you had nothing to protect you from the cold! Just know that somewhere out there someone wants to be present and provide this lovely warmth.

  2. Nina 4 months ago

    My dear Yaqui,
    when you write the lines “The world is already cold, Family is supposed to give you that warmth, That warmth you need to survive the cold”, I had the chills, because I totally agree with these words. Love is such a powerful emotion, we have no Idea how strong of a hold it has over us. If you really need it, I and our friends can be the family that warms you. It may not be the one you truly strive for now, but it is indeed there.

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