Those words stick with me

They’ll stick with me forever


And each time I lay in bed

I remember those words


I knew our relationship wasn’t always the best

In between court battles for a large part of my childhood.


I want a DNA test

Did he love me? was I even his daughter?

I promised myself I wouldn’t call, I always called.

There was never a time where you put in the same effort as I did.


He said he wanted a DNA test..

The man that raised me as my father, the man I fought so hard to see for at least 4 hours every Sunday.


He doubted me

Doubted me as his daughter


So there I lay, with those words forever engraved in my memory

I want a DNA test

I began to doubt my entire childhood

With the feeling that my life was based upon a lie


I was closest with you up until the divorce

But even then, all I wanted was to spend time with you


Even now, I hold no hate or grudges

My love for you is as strong as it was when I was a little kid


I know you are my father

And I know I am your daughter


So there I lay

Except this time, I don’t remember anymore

I want a DNA test

has been out of my mind for a while now


Because even if the test did come out negative

You are my father.

You raised me

You loved me

You were with me

Because that’s what a father does


They love

They care


And that’s exactly what you brought to me.


There I lay, with no remorse, no hate

I live on with a slight pain in my chest


I know you were mad

You didn’t mean it

Because you are my father.



CC BY-SA 4.0 Feel it Still by Cristina is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

  1. Andrea 1 year ago

    Dear Christina,

    This is so powerful! Wow I’m literally speechless, It’s too sad to read this and realize the type of things you had to go through. But you are a strong person because you had the courage to share this type of topics with us. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Vesna 1 year ago

    Hey Mr. Peanutbutter,

    I’m sad. It broke my heart to hear about how you fought for your fathers love but based on his actions questioning whether he did or did not. As a child this must have been something that was a daily struggle. Even until the end the way you illustrated your forgiveness for him despite his actions was a beautiful way to end the piece. This must have been hard to write but thank you for sharing this piece.

    Bojack Horseman

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