Dear Youth Voices Community,

My name is Jerome, and  I’m a senior at Fremont high school. I feel like my research going good but it’s getting hard to find facts about the NFL I feel like everything his hidden

This is my current thesis statement:

Injuries in football are a big problem. It’s unfair because these injuries can be life threatening and stop players from helping their families, kids in their neighborhood and living their life. Players may not be able to pick up or hold their kids because of these injuries. In order to stop injuries in football coaches should provide new or better equipment for the players. Also, the NFL should start taking care of there players by letting them be open about their injuries so that the player can receive medical attention.

Fremont High School seniors are now writing preliminary thesis statements to help guide how they read their sources. I would greatly appreciate your feedback and help on my preliminary thesis statement. If you could score my thesis statement using this rubric, that would be even more helpful!!!

Sincerely,

Jerome Pope Jr

Fremont High Schoolfootball photo

 

CC BY-SA 4.0 How do I FIX my Thesis? by Jerome is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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