Dear Youth Voices Community,

Hello my name is Aleah Jefferson I am a senior at Fremont High School in the Media Academy. I am very much excited for my life after high school so I can’t wait to finish my Graduation Capstone to start it. 

This is my current thesis statement:

In order to stop the cycle of low income people needing long-term financial government support, it is a necessity that the government plays a stronger role in keeping students from dropping out of college. The federal government needs to fund low-income, urban high schools with mentorship programs to help motivate the students to stay in school through the extra preparation and physical connection of being from the same community. With the added support in high school, students are more likely to stay in and graduate from college and break that cycle.

Fremont High School seniors are now writing preliminary thesis statements to help guide how they read their sources. I would greatly appreciate your feedback and help on my preliminary thesis statement. If you could score my thesis statement using this rubric, that would be even more helpful!!!


Aleah Jefferson

Fremont High School

CC BY-SA 4.0 How do I fix my thesis? by Aleah is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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